I got nothin'. I have been staring at this computer screen . . . hoping for inspiration . . . for a good 45 minutes. All I've got is this.
I'm grateful right now for:
My amazing family
Friends: from Orlando, New York, Singapore, Australia, Europe, EVERYWHERE
Someone to snuggle
An awesome room mate
Laughing (I did a lot of that tonight)
Group Therapy Improv Group
ACME Improv
A job
A super comfy bed
Ramen noodles
Yummy smelling soap and lotion
The relaxing melodies app on my iphone
.... speaking of which . . . I'm sleepy.
Goodnight.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Words
I can't help but write about this because I woke up early, unable to get back to sleep thinking about it.
Words are my downfall. They weigh so heavy on me and it's so hard for me to separate them from my emotions. If you've never read The 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend it because it really opened my eyes years ago. The basic premise is that we all show and receive love in different ways. After reading the book it's usually very clear what your "language" is (and what your parents languages are, which in turn really effects you) and that makes it easier to communicate love to others whether it be in a friendship or romantic relationship. When I read it I was immediately like, "HOLY CRAP!" I completely, 100% give AND receive love in the form of words.
I'm the girl who will always be forthcoming about my feelings (whether they are undying feelings of love or complete and utter disgust). I've always been that way. Sometimes it leaves me feeling incredibly vulnerable. I take what someone says in one moment and hold on to it for dear life. "But you SAID this!" We all know we say things in the moment that we very much mean . . . but then feelings change. That has been a huge lesson for me: to accept that those words were real at the moment, but now the moment has passed and I can't hold that person to those words.
Words are also why I have always loved reading, writing, and acting. They are so moving! I mean, gees, who can resist a Shakespearean sonnet?! (Okay, LOTS of people can resist them, but not me!)
So as I was lying in bed I was just thinking about a situation in my life right now where I feel stuck and it's completely attached to the fact that I am putting a TON of weight on words and how I often let the fact that the words aren't backed up by actions slip by.
"Words are but symbols for the relations of things to one another and to us; nowhere do they touch upon absolute truth."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Words are my downfall. They weigh so heavy on me and it's so hard for me to separate them from my emotions. If you've never read The 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend it because it really opened my eyes years ago. The basic premise is that we all show and receive love in different ways. After reading the book it's usually very clear what your "language" is (and what your parents languages are, which in turn really effects you) and that makes it easier to communicate love to others whether it be in a friendship or romantic relationship. When I read it I was immediately like, "HOLY CRAP!" I completely, 100% give AND receive love in the form of words.I'm the girl who will always be forthcoming about my feelings (whether they are undying feelings of love or complete and utter disgust). I've always been that way. Sometimes it leaves me feeling incredibly vulnerable. I take what someone says in one moment and hold on to it for dear life. "But you SAID this!" We all know we say things in the moment that we very much mean . . . but then feelings change. That has been a huge lesson for me: to accept that those words were real at the moment, but now the moment has passed and I can't hold that person to those words.
Words are also why I have always loved reading, writing, and acting. They are so moving! I mean, gees, who can resist a Shakespearean sonnet?! (Okay, LOTS of people can resist them, but not me!)
So as I was lying in bed I was just thinking about a situation in my life right now where I feel stuck and it's completely attached to the fact that I am putting a TON of weight on words and how I often let the fact that the words aren't backed up by actions slip by.
"Words are but symbols for the relations of things to one another and to us; nowhere do they touch upon absolute truth."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Reality TV: my frienemy
After a long crappy day yesterday I was shutting things down behind the bar at work thinking, "Great. I made this goal of being grateful for something each day and then I have a day like this. What am I going to write about."
I get home, check my facebook and have messages and comments from my friends all over the country saying they saw me in the audience of Bachelor Pad. I started cracking up. The stupid reality show (that I'm hooked on) turned around and made my day. All of a sudden I was reliving that day a week ago when Kat flew from Vegas just to go to the taping with me because we are HUGE fans and remembering how much fun we had. I'm so grateful for her friendship. The tickets were also given to me by a friend I adore and respect so much who wasn't able to make it to the taping because she's a good mommy and it was her son's school orientation. I have good friends. I'm a lucky girl.
And Kirk blew me a kiss!
I get home, check my facebook and have messages and comments from my friends all over the country saying they saw me in the audience of Bachelor Pad. I started cracking up. The stupid reality show (that I'm hooked on) turned around and made my day. All of a sudden I was reliving that day a week ago when Kat flew from Vegas just to go to the taping with me because we are HUGE fans and remembering how much fun we had. I'm so grateful for her friendship. The tickets were also given to me by a friend I adore and respect so much who wasn't able to make it to the taping because she's a good mommy and it was her son's school orientation. I have good friends. I'm a lucky girl.
And Kirk blew me a kiss!
Monday, September 12, 2011
WTF am I doing?
Hi.
I have spent every day the last month saying, "I'm gonna . . . ya know, get some writing done today," and yet every friggin' day, something took me away from that: reruns of Tosh.0, Facebook, staring at a wall, ANYTHING I could do to not have to put my hands on the ever-loving keys of my macbook and actually get creative, I would do. And then I'd convince myself, MAN, I just ran out of time today. CRAZY!
So, this pile of shit blog is where I put my foot down. Even if it's this blog entry that has no significance, I had to write because if I don't write something I feel like I'm just going to find more worthless, time-sucking, reality TV shows to zap all of my creative mojo.
Shits been hard. Yep. I've had a lot of tough shit lately but that's life. When is there NOT shit? Speaking of shit, the thing that got me writing tonight was my friend Julie's blog entry about shit today. She is hilarious and she is doing this whole "living joyously" thing where she basically does whatever she wants (including quitting her job) and knows it's all going to be fantastic. I love her. Julie's blog. (note: "shit" used five times in this paragraph . . . well, now six times I guess.)
Today I had a moment of intense and insane clarity writing down a take out order at the same time as playing tic tac toe with my fellow counter server where I thought, "Woah! Wait a minute. I'm sorry. This isn't my life. I must have accidentally beamed into someone else's body and life because this isn't mine." I think it's a combination of being really hard on myself (as always), being impatient (again, per usual) and being EXHAUSTED (by quite a few things). All I know for sure is that I needed to slap myself across the face tonight, force myself to say something, and hold myself accountable for my total laziness.
I need to focus on the amazing things in my life, even if it's the tiniest thing one day, I'm so freaking lucky. I have a tendency to get in a rut of only focusing on the things I want to change, the things that suck. The problem there is that there is always stuff in your life that sucks, no matter who you are. The difference between a happy person and a miserable one is that the happy person is looking at all the fan-flippin'-tastic blessings they have and the miserable one is focused on the shit they are wading through. Until I have a story to tell, I'm just going to let you know what I'm grateful for and focus on that.
Today I had my graduation show for my 301 UCB class. I love improv. I was hung up for a while, about a year ago, feeling like I just couldn't do it and that I was awful, and well, because I THOUGHT that, I was. Now, I don't even really care that much if I'm amazing at it, I just love that I LOVE doing it. I love making people laugh and I got to do that today. I am so thankful for that. My class rocks, UCB rocks and hanging out at Birds afterwards rocks.
And I'm grateful that I finally wrote something today. It'll make writing something tomorrow so much easier, and now, I have no excuse. I'm sure the THRONGS of people who read this will hold me accountable and urge me to keep writing. (And by "throngs of people" I mean, my mother.)
Goodnight.
I have spent every day the last month saying, "I'm gonna . . . ya know, get some writing done today," and yet every friggin' day, something took me away from that: reruns of Tosh.0, Facebook, staring at a wall, ANYTHING I could do to not have to put my hands on the ever-loving keys of my macbook and actually get creative, I would do. And then I'd convince myself, MAN, I just ran out of time today. CRAZY!
So, this pile of shit blog is where I put my foot down. Even if it's this blog entry that has no significance, I had to write because if I don't write something I feel like I'm just going to find more worthless, time-sucking, reality TV shows to zap all of my creative mojo.
Shits been hard. Yep. I've had a lot of tough shit lately but that's life. When is there NOT shit? Speaking of shit, the thing that got me writing tonight was my friend Julie's blog entry about shit today. She is hilarious and she is doing this whole "living joyously" thing where she basically does whatever she wants (including quitting her job) and knows it's all going to be fantastic. I love her. Julie's blog. (note: "shit" used five times in this paragraph . . . well, now six times I guess.)
Today I had a moment of intense and insane clarity writing down a take out order at the same time as playing tic tac toe with my fellow counter server where I thought, "Woah! Wait a minute. I'm sorry. This isn't my life. I must have accidentally beamed into someone else's body and life because this isn't mine." I think it's a combination of being really hard on myself (as always), being impatient (again, per usual) and being EXHAUSTED (by quite a few things). All I know for sure is that I needed to slap myself across the face tonight, force myself to say something, and hold myself accountable for my total laziness.
I need to focus on the amazing things in my life, even if it's the tiniest thing one day, I'm so freaking lucky. I have a tendency to get in a rut of only focusing on the things I want to change, the things that suck. The problem there is that there is always stuff in your life that sucks, no matter who you are. The difference between a happy person and a miserable one is that the happy person is looking at all the fan-flippin'-tastic blessings they have and the miserable one is focused on the shit they are wading through. Until I have a story to tell, I'm just going to let you know what I'm grateful for and focus on that.
Today I had my graduation show for my 301 UCB class. I love improv. I was hung up for a while, about a year ago, feeling like I just couldn't do it and that I was awful, and well, because I THOUGHT that, I was. Now, I don't even really care that much if I'm amazing at it, I just love that I LOVE doing it. I love making people laugh and I got to do that today. I am so thankful for that. My class rocks, UCB rocks and hanging out at Birds afterwards rocks.
And I'm grateful that I finally wrote something today. It'll make writing something tomorrow so much easier, and now, I have no excuse. I'm sure the THRONGS of people who read this will hold me accountable and urge me to keep writing. (And by "throngs of people" I mean, my mother.)
Goodnight.
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